Monday, March 17, 2008

Stop looking around, we've found him.

Who would have thought that out of all the fathers in the U.S. (66.3 million) that the #1 dad is a Sabres fan? After conferring with Prof. Dmitry Panchenko (instructor of 18.443 Statistics for Applications at M.I.T.) I've discovered that's a 1 in 66.3 million chance. You actually have the same statistical probability of laughing at the Craig Ferguson show. The issue here for me isn't the jersey per se, (although it sure sucks) but the concept of #1 dad merchandise in general and even more the dude who proudly rocks it. 99% of all dudes rocking the #1 gear are clueless blue collar shlubs who got a shitty mug (or tie, medium sweatshirt, etc.) for Christmas. For Joe lunchpail it might as well say "shark rapist"-they've never read the goddamn thing and the Sanka tastes fine either way. However, a jersey is a touch more conspicuous. This guy wants you to know he is fucking number fucking one. He's made a conscious decision to broadcast this opinion via Sabres jersey to the millions of sub #1 dad masses. How do you quantify a thing like fatherhood? It's like saying I've got the #1 most mystical boner in the world. Actually, that's a bad example. After re-conferring with Prof. Dmitry Panchenko- at least one person agrees with me. My point is, if you were actually the #1 dad you probably wouldn't brag about it like a douche or you automatically lose the title. I would just personally enjoy a #4 dad jersey. At least a dad this in touch with his limitations is better prepared to raise kids that won't put something shitty like #1 dad on their own jersey in the future.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

Mandlebaum! Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!