Saturday, February 14, 2009


Please, I have been inundated with so many sick jerseys as of late that I have decided to start a new email to help with the traffic. From here on out all sick jerseys shall be sent here. Make it so.

learn it.

love it.

use it.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

...And Lead Us Not Into Timtation, But Deliver Us From Sickness, Amen.

A temptation is an act that looks appealing to an individual. It is usually used to describe acts with negative connotations and as such, tends to lead a person to regret such actions, for various reasons: legal, social, psychological (including feeling guilt), health, economic, etc. Temptation also describes the coaxing or inducing a person into committing such an act, by manipulation or otherwise of curiosity or desire.
Sounds a lot like the process of creating a sick jersey. The doubt. The lonliness. The slightly sickening rush of adrenalin. It's the kind of feeling you got when you hammered out that super fat chick that stunk of fryer grease and shorted Salem ultra lights. The lies you tell yourself to justify the horror are as obvoious and disgusting as the grimy, drenched tube socks she left in your mom's Geo Tracker. But you HAD TO FUCKING DO IT. Life is gingerly decorated with the slimy, nearly imperceptable film of these moments. I never meant to dissect this shit on this level but c'mon-that is just one hell of a sick jersey. So sick in fact, that three different sick jersey bro field correspondents sent me pics of the same dude in one night. (a first)
For the life of me I just cannot figure out what the hell this fuck face is going for. Is his name Tim? Occam's razor would seem to suggest so. But if that is the case what is he "timted" by? Himself? Is he assuming that he is "timting" to others? Is it a Connelly thing? Is his name Justin and he's actually alluding to the gnawing "timtation" he has reguarding a certian hot piece of ass in accounts receivable? You know, the one with the super tight goatee? The one he accidently brushed up against at the company party at IV Stallions and then spent seven hours in the Dave's Christmas World bathroom crying his boner away? The likelihood is that no one will ever find out. Like releasing a trophy Marlin back into the Gulf of Mexico, or saying goodbye to a loved one- we here at sick jersey bro would like to hold tight the sweet memory of "TIMTATION", and in doing so, allow this beautiful creature to truly roam free, wherever Jesus may lead him. Godspeed you georgous dipshit.
P.S. I just got the 69 joke. Well played. I see what you were going for. *slow creepy wink*

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I got 73 problems and Dorociak is one.

I'm really tired today. That shootout really took it out of me. I don't feel like writing shit today. So, I was debating whether to not post anything. I finally decided to just throw this fucker up and like lazy parents across the nation, let you use your imagination to entertain yourself. So. Good luck. Post some sweet burns if you think you are up to it. I'll be waiting.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Big Willy Style

Here is an excellent example of a phenomena we've seen before. Thanks to my man Matt for the heads up. It's the somewhat rare nickname sick jersey. Of course your run of the mill jerkoff could simply ruin a perfectly good jersey with his God given name, but what fun is that? To all the Lefty's, Tiny's, and Big (fill in the blank)'s out there- I say thank you. Now the nickname your unemployed, alcoholic stepfather Daryll tortured you with on Christmas morning '91 can be the catalyst for untold (and undoubtedly) positive feedback from your unemployed, alcoholic bar league volleyball team. One side note to the nickname crowd out there clamoring to hit the Sabres store and get your "Grumpy" or "Shitneck" jersey or whatever, make sure you:
(A) Use a slug jersey. They suck the most.
(B) Use one of the most famous numbers in Sabres history if you want it extra sick.
Dominik Hasek works great as BIG WILL here was kind enough to demonstrate. Now really go out there make us all proud you glorious retards.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Calcadora the Explorer

As per the Yahoo online English- Spanish Dictionary:

Calc a dor (-do ra) - m. & f. (person) tracer, copier m. (instrument) tracer
Inflected Forms: calcadoras - femi
calcadores - masc

To be honest I'm not totally sure how that definition applies. Maybe it's that he's copying a shitty thing he saw done to a jersey. Either way, this beauty came to me hot off the presses from my man in the Honda Center in Anaheim. Word on the street from the 'heim is that Sabres sick jerseys are everywhere. Like for real. Apparently due to the lack of a primarily deep fried cheese, deep fried meat, beer, shots of Crown, and deep fried dough diet, Cali Sabres fans are far quicker (and thusly harder to photograph) than their Buffalo counterparts. Luckily the flight of the Calcador (after pounding a shot of wheat grass and some pan seared ahi with garlic asiago pea snaps) was preserved in all its So-Cal Sabres Glory. To be honest, I'm just super pumped that there are tons of Buffalo dudes representing in the 714. HOWEVER. That does not mean your sick jerseys still don't suck mucho burro schlong. They do. bad. So there.