Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Pomer, oi, oi, oi!

It has come to my attention people have simply not been paying attention. For example, this little beauty here breaks every single rule about jersey "customization" that you possibly can besides having like five fucking names on there or getting a bouquet of rubber dicks hot glued to the arms. The real fun here is you aren't 100% sure how it's fucked up- I'll explain. Now I know I've said it before and I know for a fact I'll have to mention it at least thirty more times (based on the unused shit I still have chilling in my in box) but you really shouldn't use a number that doesn't correspond to the player name on said jersey. That being said, and I know I'm demolishing a dead horse here, but the one known quantity we are working with here is the number 16. If you want to be a smart ass you could say that it belonged to Chris Taylor, Darrin Shannon, Mike Donnelly, Paul Brydges, Ric Seiling, Derek Smith, Peter McNab, Real Lemieux, Randy Wyrozub, Ron Anderson or Butch Deadmarsh. You would also be correct. A total fuckface, but correct. It is obviously retired for Patty LaFontaine. It is obviously NOT retired for Pomeroy, which in my approximation is either one of the standard sick jersey faux pas (the person's actual last name) or the even more insidious combo of two existing player's names on one jersey. I'll let you figure out who those two are. HINT it's not Vanek and Afinogenov. Sadly, we've already covered that one. If it's not her -and I hope it's a her- last name then it is just a little douchier because of the "Pommer" nicknamy part of it in the combo that was downright stupid to begin with. Pommer, your penance is to cram your head in one of the sewer grates near the front parking lot at the HSBC that smells like some hellish Sysyphean torment involving Roseanne era John Goodman's colon. You have to huff with your mouth open for as long as it takes one standard dude to get a large beer during the intermission. So, like about a half hour. Enjoy.