Friday, August 21, 2009

O.K., O.K., Shut up already.

So I've been getting a bunch of angry emails about how I haven't posted a jersey pretty much all summer. So, here you go you sons of bitches. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I BRING YOU (drumroll) ......... Pogmothion! This little slice of heaven took a little bit of research. I would love to believe Pogmothion is just this fartbag's actual last name or a reference to his favorite Pokemon character. Alas, after burning the midnight oil deep in the bowels of the vast, Castlevania like Sick Jersey Bro archives I have discovered the stupid truth. This sick jersey is simply a typo. An annoying and unfunny typo, but a typo none the less. The correct Gaelic phrase is póg mo thóin. Pronounced in English as something along the lines of “pogue mahone”, it translates to kiss my ass. As classy and appropriate that is all by it self, it takes on an extra level of tact and refinement when you go ahead and strap it on the jersey of beloved doughnut tycoon/ horrifying car accident victim, Tim Horton. Way to piss in the collective double double of good coffee and hockey fans everywhere. It's like getting a Dan Snyder Thrashers jersey with "suck my dick" spelled incorrectly in Russian on the back -IF he owned a wildly successful restaurant chain AND had his jersey retired by his team out of respect. Very thoughtful. Very sick.Snyder, DaThrashers

Hey, you fuckers ever heard of Facebook?

Hello again. As we here at SJB prepare for the start of yet another NHL season, the decision was made to finally get down with the "Face books" that all the kids won't shut up about. By kids I obviously mean your aunt Tammy and your mom's Boyfriend Frank. Seeing as how Myspace is now just about as cool as sending someone a telegram about Friendster, we've made the move. I'm sure this will set your collective loins afire with social media anticipation. Hey, if it makes it easier for you guys to send in sick jerseys, then so be it. So, friend us or whatever the fuck they call it. To tell you the truth, I can't tell what the fuck is even going on on Facebook. I think I just took a quiz about famous poodles in 80's teen comedies while signing up for a Seth Rogan fan club and getting "poked" by a chick from my 10th grade study hall. It's like some bizarre Freudian nightmare that sends you email updates. Enjoy the rest of your summer! Just keep your fingers crossed that Pat Kane doesn't get all fucked up on the Chip strip and cave your skull in over 20 cents in loose change. Now go get em'.