Pakachoag. Excuse me.

Total mind blower. It actually made me vurp a tiny bit when I looked at it. There is something about it that makes me physically uneasy. A literally sick jersey. Gross.

La-La-LAME.

Jesus Christ. You have to be fucking kidding me.

Cottrell bros!

As previously explored with the Woodcocks and the Mecca bros., getting sick is often a family affair. I will give these dudes big points for partying under the thruway before the game, but their innate sickness in undeniable.

Surefire way to retain resale value.

Has anyone else seen this cruiser? I love it (minus the slugs). Go big or go home. I want to see this dude's house.

Mr. Lovas Lovas

*loud wet fart noise*

Half and half.

Wikipedia: "Half and half" is a common phrase used to describe a prostitute's service where time is allotted equally to two sexual acts; typically fellatio followed by vaginal intercourse.

That about covers it.

See, Walter.............

So as not be confused by the thousands of other fetal alcohol syndrome sufferers named Walter who like the Sabres AND have never heard of Tim "china doll" Connolly (as per his Wikipedia entry) my man here has added a "C". Thanks. It looks good. No. Really. I'm pumped dude. Sick bro.

Kuhaneck yourself before you wreck yourself.

Wrong font + Wrong colors + Wrong numbers = Sick jersey bro.

CHUNX!

I can almost back this. It's funny every time you see it. It's like the Naked Gun of sick jerseys.

SABRES? ORLY?

This is stupid. You have a jersey on already. The entire reason a Jersey exists is to signify what team you're playing for. It has such innovations as team colors, team logos, and distinctive striping patterns so as to achieve said differentiation. Simply, we know it's a fucking Sabres Jersey. And we can infer that you are indeed a fan of the Sabres. To put the name of the team on the back is (in the words of the 13 year old kid that I overheard the game) "gay as shit dude".

Shitty info.

What is happening here? I bet Mr. Drew Stafford would not find this funny in the least. Is it some sort of Staff burn? Is it supposed to be funny? Is it supposed to be clever? Is this fartmouth Japanese? One thig is sure. It is sick.

Home made is only better for food.

What we have here is a full on home made joint. If you cant't see, the numbers are hand stitched and uneven. Mega ghetto. To tell you the truth I don't know if not having a name on there makes it better or worse. Just sick.

I know I know.

I know what you'll say. It's a dude in a Bruins jersey. However. I have been known to make exceptions. First, this toolbag has Ray Borque's number. Second, Corky was the retarded kid from life goes on. Third, I thought this dude was pissing into the area where the kids shoot the pucks around. O.K., so he was doing one thing right. I'll give him that.

Let's get to work.

There gentlemen fall into the same (fairly popular) designation. Asshole faces.

Again.

My most humble of apologies. I have been deluged with work lately and the thoughtless asshole I steal WiFi from must have moved his router because I can't get internet for shit. So from now on I'll just concentrate on getting the shit up when I get a chance and keep the lengthy commentary to a minimum. After all it's all about the sick jerseys.

WOODCOCK²

Stay with me on this one. I know it's blurry. What we have here is a mega rare double Woodcock. All juvenile sexual innuendo aside, FUCKING WHAAAAAT? I mean, suck me sideways. This is like a total double cream dream for everyone here at the scenic Sick Jersey Bro offices. My personal assistant is fucking losing it. That dude Jared who fills our RED BULL® cooler literally pissed his pants. Not since the celebrated work of the Mecca bros from last season have we seen a two pronged attack of this magnitude. Seriously. There are two grown, hopefully married adults who thought it would be just fine to cruise around in matching motherfucking Woodcock jerseys. so sick bro.

My Man Mitch.

Mitch! Mitch! Mitch! At least the jersey choice is correct. I guess this fucking goof gets filed under the "If you're going to do something wrong, at least do it right" category. AND you didn't use a real number. (Unless you count Biron for like 34 seconds.) So this is a good example of the least offensive type of sick jersey out there. It's a solid 40% better than your average sick jersey. And as a message to all those who seek the sickness, I say: don't ruin this for me! Continue to get slug jerseys with Rob Ray's number and like, i don't know, "clownturd" on the back. What? SAY IT! be proud! Embrace your sick jerseyness.

Fucko!

No fucking number. No fucking way. Sick. Bro.

A humble recognition of a job well done.

I have to at very least say thanks to my man Pat (and I think some of his boys) who have been sending me a TON of fantastic jerseys. Keep up the truly sick work!

Anglo Oriental?

Check out the "Anglo Oriental" spirit rug from the NHL online store. What the fuck is an anglo oriental spirit rug? It sounds like some sort of vaguely religious artifact. Is it anything like a native American dream catcher? Because I know all to well what those are. They catch native American dreams. However, this slugged up abortion barely qualifies an actual "rug" not to mention oriental rug. And as a Caucasian I take offense to this anglo bullshit. Can we just leave race out of our shitty $70.00 door mat conversations? That's right $70.00 for a fucking doormat. I mean I don't go around running off at the mouth about our Anglo African President elect, and that's actually a big deal. So. To sum up this special racially charged rug review edition of sick jersey bro- if you bought this rug you are as bigoted as you are mentally retarded. Congrats. Oh, and sorry McCain lost bro.

You Make the Call!

Is this cool or not? I love the jersey, I love Brad May, and lets be honest-1993 is pretty God damn cool. But can you commemorate a moment in time with a sick jersey? Why not just get a Brad May jersey? I don't think I back it. However, in an uncharacteristically magnanimous move on my part, I will allow for sick feedback on this jersey. Let me know where you stand.

Me, Ted.

I just assume I don't have to say anything. Right?

Why the fuck not?

First, I realize that dude's name is probably Ebert but I'm also just as certain that this asshole is fully aware that there is a very well known movie critic with the same name. If your last name was Letterman or Winfrey you would have to know how confusing and just plain stupid it would look on a Sabres jersey. The salsa on this hot pube burrito is the fact that he went ahead and used the hallowed and universally untouchable number of the "Great one" Wayne Douglas Gretzky. As avid SJB fans may know, I already covered this topic in an earlier post. These jerseys are my favorite. Just a total clusterfuck of bullshit. What a total waste of fucking time and money. Sick.

P.S. I purposefully omitted any thumbs up/down reference. Please feel free to insert your own hilarious thumb based jokes.

HO LEE SHIT.

Do you go for the obligatory weight joke? Do you question it's sex? Do you speculate on the smell? NO. You address the jersey. And this one is possibly one of the most fucked up train wrecks anyone has ever seen. O.K. I LOVE R.J.- that being said, why denigrate his service to our country with this puddle of bloody Sasquatch diarrhea? It's like saying, hey- I really like my dad. I'm going to get his picture lazer engraved on a petrified dog turd. And 550. Wow. Schopp and the Bulldog could probably do a QUALITY two shows on this thing. That's just how good they are. The could speculate on where it was lettered, pontificate on the origin of the concept, Bulldog could use his razor sharp stammering technique and Mike could shout like angry child and belittle callers in that way only he can. I can just hear the classic radio announcer bit KILLING on this one. Long story short-sick jersey. Maybe one of the sickest ever.

P.S. the smell has to be somewhere between sauteed human hair and the socket amputees put their stump in on prosthetic legs. Plus piss soaked Doritos.