Saturday, October 17, 2009

AAAAAAAAND WE'RE BACK!

Good day all. I know many have been emailing me much as you usually do when I don't post for a while. My only response is chill the fuck out. I didn't feel like it. Now I do. Being that I am in the correct frame of mind to give this shit at least 72%, I can once again get sick. OH, and I'll do my best to throw at least one a week up from here on out so my in box isn't full of whiny emails from people who have less to do than I do. As an added feature this season I will add a note on the bottom of each post suggesting a musical selection that will delicately compliment the post much like a like a light pinot noir compliments roast duck.
*Deep breath* POOS MAN *barely audible whimpering sigh*. Wow. This sucks Sasquatch balls. My first reaction is that this poor bastard is probably a member of the faceless, emasculated zombie army you see everywhere. The old "balls in the purse" dude. This is one of the more rare sightings if it is. It's a special kind of sick jersey indeed. It's the kind your girlfriend gets you because she thinks it's so fucking cute and you can't possibly not wear for fear of all of your vagina privileges disappearing like Criss Angel's arm in a dude's ass. It's the kind of jersey she (in this case POO) gives you for Christmas and you have to grit your teeth, fight back the tears of anger/ disappointment, and give a half assed "No, no. I love it honey. It's fucking sweet. I love you. This is aaaawesome." Then, in order to keep said privileges in tact you have to actually wear the fucking thing in the goddamn arena while buying a hot pretzel and a small Bud Light. (see above photo). Now I can tell you no vagina on earth is worth this type of humiliation. But that call is totally up to you hoss. I mean fish in the sea and all that shit. I'm just bringing it to your attention. The other option is that this dude digs eating actual shit. Whether he's doing it figuratively or literally, he still doing it. Seriously. Sick bro.

For best reading please accompany with Pantera's "Slaughtered"

2 comments:

Jeremy said...

Gary,

Is that you?

What a Douche!

Gwen said...

What I find so funny about this post is that the website's owner continues to reference "vaginas," when we all know damn well this guy has never seen one.