What The Fuck Bro?

What we have here is some fart box who is trying to ride the lucrative customized jersey blog train. With his hilarious "Jersey Fouls" my main man "Puck Daddy" is slicing and dicing the world of "fouled" up jerseys with his insightful and cutting wit. Let it be known that I claim no exclusive rights on making fun of retards. That is a beautiful gift from God that no one can take from us or have possession of (like the magic in a unicorn's horn). With that being said and with the full knowledge that Sick Jersey Bro has been at this shit for over a year, I submit to you that my issue with "Puck Daddy" is not that he ripped off my idea but in it's (much like retarded criminals in Texas) sloppy execution.
Seriously. What is the deal with the name? Jersey Fouls? Come on. Jesus. I assume this dude gets paid to write and this is what he comes up with? Why not just totally mail it in and call it Bad Jerseys? Maybe Silly Sweaters? Let this be a lesson to all the Sick Jersey Bro faithful out there that sometimes having an extra cup of coffee, rolling up your sleeves, and giving it 100% never killed anyone. I get emails all the time about my lack of updates. Did anyone break Darwin's balls about quickly cranking out The Origin Of Species? With each and every post I slave to achieve the perfection I know my intelligent, erudite, and presumably Ivy League educated readership demands of me. Let me tell you giving 110% is mathematically impossible but at least 20% is mandatory to blog. Christ, you have to give like 18% just to roll out of the rack in the morning. In this case I'd like to see the "Daddy" bump it up to somewhere around 50%. Just for starters.
Am I also the only one that is troubled by the fact that "Fouls" occur in basketball, baseball, and a number of other sports besides hockey? If the intent was to have a sports reference in the title I submit that a hockey reference would have been way cooler. Speaking of cool, I will give "Puck Daddy" some kudos for his hip devil may care look and presumably, attitude. I mean- dig the shades and cigar. It's like an in your face double shot of cool. Deftly combining the look of Stevie Wonder and the smell of Rush Limbaugh was a stroke of genius. This guy is no interweb nerd just because he blogs. Be sure of that.
I firmly believe that with the dutiful tutelage of the Sick Jersey Bro nation, we can help this lost soul. So, be a trooper and do what "P.Diddy" (that's just a bit hipper) himself suggests: email him tips and stories that he should know about at puckdaddyblog@yahoo.com. Let him know what you think, especially if one of those thoughts is that his nick name is a rip off of a dude famous for ripping off other people. Just an idea. Good luck.

I Know It's Dark........

........but believe me, it blows. It's another #11 and unless it's a total train wreck of a Curtis Brown joint, this jersey is sicker Patrick Swayze. Oh, and it's a slug. This guy really has it all. The correspondent who sent this in really nailed it. With the pic he also sent this beautifully concise note:

"How fucking generic can you get? What a DOMTAR. (Factory that smells like whale fart in Johnsonburg, pa)"

I think that pretty much sums it up.

-Thanks Ryne.

Penalty Box? Really? Penalty Box.

I assume this is some sort of astute commentary on Al Kotalik taking penalties. Well. It's not funny and its sucks dick big time. I'll never understand these dudes who feel it's their job to criticize the Sabres via some hilarious jersey or some shit. Why not get a totally sick tattoo of Kotalik shooting it wide? What about having your cousin Greg hook you up with a super awesome paintjob on the hood of your car featuring Max overskating the puck or giving it away in the neutral zone? Lucky for you Al is gone and you can move on to the next hilarious comment on the Sabres. I can't fucking wait. Break a leg Seinfeld.

Not Quite Sick, But.......

O.K. Dave Snuggerud really played for the Sabres. And believe you me, I got just a big of a kick out of his goofy ass name as the next asshole. Without being officially sick- this jersey violates one of the main tenets of jersey sickness. Mainly, a proper player on the improper jersey. Come on dude. You know Dave never played in a slug jersey. I'm glad he didn't. I'm pretty sure he's glad he didn't either. Either way, for all the fans of classic Sabres out there, get the jersey that corresponds to the player of your choosing. Or you will look like an asshat. I guess it's still not as bad as it could have been.

NEW EMAIL ADDRESS DUDES!

Please, I have been inundated with so many sick jerseys as of late that I have decided to start a new email to help with the traffic. From here on out all sick jerseys shall be sent here. Make it so.

sickjerseybro@gmail.com

learn it.

love it.

use it.

...And Lead Us Not Into Timtation, But Deliver Us From Sickness, Amen.

A temptation is an act that looks appealing to an individual. It is usually used to describe acts with negative connotations and as such, tends to lead a person to regret such actions, for various reasons: legal, social, psychological (including feeling guilt), health, economic, etc. Temptation also describes the coaxing or inducing a person into committing such an act, by manipulation or otherwise of curiosity or desire.

Sounds a lot like the process of creating a sick jersey. The doubt. The lonliness. The slightly sickening rush of adrenalin. It's the kind of feeling you got when you hammered out that super fat chick that stunk of fryer grease and shorted Salem ultra lights. The lies you tell yourself to justify the horror are as obvoious and disgusting as the grimy, drenched tube socks she left in your mom's Geo Tracker. But you HAD TO FUCKING DO IT. Life is gingerly decorated with the slimy, nearly imperceptable film of these moments. I never meant to dissect this shit on this level but c'mon-that is just one hell of a sick jersey. So sick in fact, that three different sick jersey bro field correspondents sent me pics of the same dude in one night. (a first)

For the life of me I just cannot figure out what the hell this fuck face is going for. Is his name Tim? Occam's razor would seem to suggest so. But if that is the case what is he "timted" by? Himself? Is he assuming that he is "timting" to others? Is it a Connelly thing? Is his name Justin and he's actually alluding to the gnawing "timtation" he has reguarding a certian hot piece of ass in accounts receivable? You know, the one with the super tight goatee? The one he accidently brushed up against at the company party at IV Stallions and then spent seven hours in the Dave's Christmas World bathroom crying his boner away? The likelihood is that no one will ever find out. Like releasing a trophy Marlin back into the Gulf of Mexico, or saying goodbye to a loved one- we here at sick jersey bro would like to hold tight the sweet memory of "TIMTATION", and in doing so, allow this beautiful creature to truly roam free, wherever Jesus may lead him. Godspeed you georgous dipshit.

P.S. I just got the 69 joke. Well played. I see what you were going for. *slow creepy wink*

I got 73 problems and Dorociak is one.

I'm really tired today. That shootout really took it out of me. I don't feel like writing shit today. So, I was debating whether to not post anything. I finally decided to just throw this fucker up and like lazy parents across the nation, let you use your imagination to entertain yourself. So. Good luck. Post some sweet burns if you think you are up to it. I'll be waiting.