Rollin in my six fo'

What the fuck does that say? I'd love to make fun of it but I have no fucking clue what it says. So here's the deal- someone figure out what the deal is here and get back to me so I can do this thing correctly. Sick.

Sixty-four is:

• In some computer programming languages, the size in bits of certain data types
• In chess or draughts, the total number of black (dark) and white (light) squares on the game board
• 64 is the name of the premier Russian chess magazine
• The code for international direct dial calls to New Zealand
• The designation of US Interstate 64, a freeway from Missouri to Virginia
• The designation of U.S. Route 64, a highway from Arizona to North Carolina
• The subject of the Beatles song "When I'm Sixty-Four"
• The registry of the U.S. Navy's aircraft carrier USS Constellation (CV-64)
• The number of Braille characters in the old 6-dot system
• In 8-bit home computers, a common shorthand for the Commodore 64
• In video games, the Nintendo 64 video game console and (historically) the Commodore 64. Since 1996, the number 64 has been an abbreviation or slang for Nintendo 64 (though N64 is more common)
• The maximum number of strokes in any Chinese character
• Number of hexagrams in the I Ching
• Number of sexual positions in the Kama Sutra
• Number of demons in the Dictionnaire Infernal
• Slang term referring to a 1964 Chevrolet Impala, often configured as a lowrider, a popular subject among early-90's gangsta rap and today very popular in Dirty South H-Town rap, eg. by rappers such as Paul Wall, Mike Jones, etc.
• The number of classical arts listed in many Indian scriptures. They include: singing, dancing, painting, poetry, playing cards, making arguments, making flower garlands, etc.

It is, however not an acceptable number for a Sabres jersey. Unless you happen to be David Moravec who played in an astounding ONE game for the Sabres in the 99-00 campaign rollin in his six four.

Yo, PAGE me bro!

This shit sucks. I mean. Wow. I just caught a sick glare off of those cheap, shiny, dogshit screen printed numbers. Ironically, 1985 was the last time you could pound your velcro Roos on the pavement wearing shit like this and not get garbage thrown at you. I just plain don't like this fucking thing. We all know 85 is first and foremost a football number.(all apologies the the great Petr Klima) If it wasn't long sleeved you would think it was a fucking Jack Youngblood jersey. You know, with PAGE on the back instead. Except Jack Youngblood recently placed 1st among all athletes to ever wear the number 85 by SI.com. Page recently placed 1st among the other Applebee's bus boys in his fantasy hockey league on SI.com. not much of a difference, but worth mentioning.

This time on Kulpa's Secret Stashe................

Now this is a move I can get behind. Just think about it for a second. What is Max's biggest problem? He seems to be too fucking fast for his own good. A stash like this could add enough drag that he could actually finish. It's like having a tiny parachute screwed to the back of your skull. The added benefit is that this is one of the most terrifying mustaches in history. (behind only Hitler or possibly Wilford Brimley) That combined with Max's deep, rumbling Russian timbre is downright hard as fuck. I mean dude's name is Maksim Sergejevič Afinogenov. If you ran into a motherfucker with a name like that any time before 1991 you would totally expect to be drugged, flown to a gulag and have your ballbag hooked up to a Volga battery. What's more is my man's not afraid to tho dem thangs if he gots to. Remember when he straight up flipped that dude over? Anyway, get with the program Max. We need you to grow this fuckin soviet push broom A.S.A.P. До свидания.

Hit him up at www.carlesswhiskers.com

sickjerseybro.com presents..........

This time in Keeter's Corner we explore #13 "Rompy".....

One time I worked at a car wash and I told this guy I would call him “iceman” if he would restock the ice every morning. You know how many times I actually called him iceman? Zero. You know how many people refer to this guy as “rompy”? ONE. That person being “rompy”. Bro, when that dude at work told you he’d give you a “cool” nickname if you would not tell anyone he asked you to borrow a dong bag so he could slay the intern on his lunch hour, he was making fun of you. Nothing like perpetuating a joke about yourself that you aren’t even cool enough to be in on.

NEWS ALERT!!!!!

My friends Keeter and Kulpa are gonna add some flavor to this bullshit blog. So look out for some really beautiful happenings. K dawg is gonna do Keeter's Korner, and Kulpa is gonna do his "secret stashe". If you were smart you would read it. If you were a god damn genius, you would get it tattooed on you .

Hide the women and NONGILLOC the doors.

I just don't even know what to say. Nongilloc sounds like either the name of a great leader of a newly discovered nomadic cro-magnon clan or a shitty transformer that never made it past the Hasbro focus groups. As far as the 96, well who the fuck knows? Maybe it's an homage to NHL '96 from EA sports. I hope not- '94 for genesis is the best hockey game ever made and everyone knows it. Possibly it celebrates the glory and the majesty of the '96 Atlanta Olympics. I like to believe it celebrates the fact that humans share 96% of their genetic code with chimpanzees. I believe what we see here is an example of the majestic Slug-fronted North American Hominidae Nongilloc. He exists somewhere in the twilight between man and chimp- living only to slake his simple, primitive thirst with cheap draft beer and mark his territory the only way his brain has yet devised- "customizing" a Sabres jersey. Notice the telltale striping along his elongated fore arm...........................dammit! He slipped away back into the dark primordial mists of the chip strip!

The results are in! Again!

Unlike Florida or Michigan, here at SJB your votes count!
The most unacceptable retired number to get on your Sabers joint is as follows:
Pat Lafontaine 54%
Tim Horton 37%
Rick Martin 7%
René Robert 3%
Danny Gare 0.00%

The big surprise for me here is the ice fucking cold Danny Gare response. While not having giant numbers, he hustled his balls off and his number is retired as shit. Not one vote? Really. You guys are cold. I also have my suspicions that the Tim Horton vote is mainly based on a confusing blend of delicious coffee and human blood streaked across the QEW. For 90% of Sabres fans under the age of 35, telling Robert and Martin apart is about as important as knowing the difference between Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop. All anyone gives a shit about is the chairman of the board. And seriously, Patty LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLafontaine is just a stone cold man. My friend Crystal actually got a pic with him after a game a long time ago. He was wearing sweats and he had a visible, full on boner. That's how much he loved the game- he played at all times with a total robo chubber. A winner in any contest.