SICK NHL DRAFT BRO!

So after an excellent little summer vacation SJB returns to briefly comment on the skull crushing excitement is the NHL draft. GET YOUR POUTINE READY! Let's be honest. The NHL draft has about as much meaning to casual hockey fans as a rerun of two an a half men. There are only a hand full of kids out there who will make any significant impact before 2012, and by then it won't matter as the surface of what we now call "Earth" will undoubtedly be violently transformed into a stark, lava raped hell scape devoid of all life- and I presume, NHL hockey. However, there are some real deal hardcore dudes out there who actually care about the draft. So here is what you need to know: John Tavares went to the Island. And yes to Bandits fans- he is related to that John Tavares. The only difference being that after today one of the two will be able to afford a 1992 Chevy Astrovan and the other is the greatest scorer in indoor lacrosse history. Word is the Sabres are aiming for either Zack Kassian, Brayden Schenn or Evander Kane. In other words a hard nosed no bullshit type grinder that can score. The bad news is that we won't see the payoff until sometime well into Jeb Bush's second term. My only hope is that our draft picks spawn many a sick jersey for our children and our children's children. Unless the Mayans were right.

Twit It or Quit it.

I know full well my lack of output is troubling to many in the sick jersey bro nation. The season has officially ended (the worst way possible) and I am kind of over the whole jersey thing for the time being. If you crave more awesomeness please feel free to follow the official Sick Jersey Bro Twitter feed. It may not be all that Sabres related but it will be funny and updated all the time.

http://twitter.com/sickjerseybro

Get some.

I'm done.

I love the Sabres. I love them in a way I can't explain with words. What they did this season could be best described with one word- fart. What a waste of time. This is what Big Lou is all about. A huge waste of time. I can understand that his fat Italian mother loves him. Maybe his boss at the water authority loves him. But what he is not achieving is awesomeness. We all have to act like we love a hockey team that lives in it's mother's basement. Why do we care so very much? Why do you love your uncle Stan? Because you can't be unrelated to him. This team is the skating embodiment if the new peace bridge that was never built. Just like the gaping hole in the side of what used to be the War Memorial Auditorium, We have all accepted the fact that what should be beautiful is disgusting. This Sabres team is just as bullshit as every fat loser that wears a jersey to the premier of Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I'm sure this fartface did. Good job "Big Lou". You have made a poignant and lasting allegory. You turd.

P.S. I just got the 69 joke.

What The Fuck Bro?

What we have here is some fart box who is trying to ride the lucrative customized jersey blog train. With his hilarious "Jersey Fouls" my main man "Puck Daddy" is slicing and dicing the world of "fouled" up jerseys with his insightful and cutting wit. Let it be known that I claim no exclusive rights on making fun of retards. That is a beautiful gift from God that no one can take from us or have possession of (like the magic in a unicorn's horn). With that being said and with the full knowledge that Sick Jersey Bro has been at this shit for over a year, I submit to you that my issue with "Puck Daddy" is not that he ripped off my idea but in it's (much like retarded criminals in Texas) sloppy execution.
Seriously. What is the deal with the name? Jersey Fouls? Come on. Jesus. I assume this dude gets paid to write and this is what he comes up with? Why not just totally mail it in and call it Bad Jerseys? Maybe Silly Sweaters? Let this be a lesson to all the Sick Jersey Bro faithful out there that sometimes having an extra cup of coffee, rolling up your sleeves, and giving it 100% never killed anyone. I get emails all the time about my lack of updates. Did anyone break Darwin's balls about quickly cranking out The Origin Of Species? With each and every post I slave to achieve the perfection I know my intelligent, erudite, and presumably Ivy League educated readership demands of me. Let me tell you giving 110% is mathematically impossible but at least 20% is mandatory to blog. Christ, you have to give like 18% just to roll out of the rack in the morning. In this case I'd like to see the "Daddy" bump it up to somewhere around 50%. Just for starters.
Am I also the only one that is troubled by the fact that "Fouls" occur in basketball, baseball, and a number of other sports besides hockey? If the intent was to have a sports reference in the title I submit that a hockey reference would have been way cooler. Speaking of cool, I will give "Puck Daddy" some kudos for his hip devil may care look and presumably, attitude. I mean- dig the shades and cigar. It's like an in your face double shot of cool. Deftly combining the look of Stevie Wonder and the smell of Rush Limbaugh was a stroke of genius. This guy is no interweb nerd just because he blogs. Be sure of that.
I firmly believe that with the dutiful tutelage of the Sick Jersey Bro nation, we can help this lost soul. So, be a trooper and do what "P.Diddy" (that's just a bit hipper) himself suggests: email him tips and stories that he should know about at puckdaddyblog@yahoo.com. Let him know what you think, especially if one of those thoughts is that his nick name is a rip off of a dude famous for ripping off other people. Just an idea. Good luck.

I Know It's Dark........

........but believe me, it blows. It's another #11 and unless it's a total train wreck of a Curtis Brown joint, this jersey is sicker Patrick Swayze. Oh, and it's a slug. This guy really has it all. The correspondent who sent this in really nailed it. With the pic he also sent this beautifully concise note:

"How fucking generic can you get? What a DOMTAR. (Factory that smells like whale fart in Johnsonburg, pa)"

I think that pretty much sums it up.

-Thanks Ryne.

Penalty Box? Really? Penalty Box.

I assume this is some sort of astute commentary on Al Kotalik taking penalties. Well. It's not funny and its sucks dick big time. I'll never understand these dudes who feel it's their job to criticize the Sabres via some hilarious jersey or some shit. Why not get a totally sick tattoo of Kotalik shooting it wide? What about having your cousin Greg hook you up with a super awesome paintjob on the hood of your car featuring Max overskating the puck or giving it away in the neutral zone? Lucky for you Al is gone and you can move on to the next hilarious comment on the Sabres. I can't fucking wait. Break a leg Seinfeld.

Not Quite Sick, But.......

O.K. Dave Snuggerud really played for the Sabres. And believe you me, I got just a big of a kick out of his goofy ass name as the next asshole. Without being officially sick- this jersey violates one of the main tenets of jersey sickness. Mainly, a proper player on the improper jersey. Come on dude. You know Dave never played in a slug jersey. I'm glad he didn't. I'm pretty sure he's glad he didn't either. Either way, for all the fans of classic Sabres out there, get the jersey that corresponds to the player of your choosing. Or you will look like an asshat. I guess it's still not as bad as it could have been.